If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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