It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize