Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
