So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
