I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
