I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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