Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize