saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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