I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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