I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
