I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.