how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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