this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just gargled with NyQuil
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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