I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
