I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
