So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
