Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
