it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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