Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
