Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
