a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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