Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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