when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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