I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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