I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
