Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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