I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
