Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
