I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
