saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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