i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
