Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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