I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
