So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
