Barsexuality is the new black.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
