She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
