I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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