Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
