Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just tell him i said nine months
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
