guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
