you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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