FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
