he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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