He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
