I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
