Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
