They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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