I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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