i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
