my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
