this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
