There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
