I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
