dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
