My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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