turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
