I didn't shave. On purpose
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
