I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
high people should be assigned attendants
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
