dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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