Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
