Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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