I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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