Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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