so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
