you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
