Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
