I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize