Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
