Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
