what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
