i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
