Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
