i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
