The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
