honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
