he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
