Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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