I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am naked and annoyed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
