There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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