Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
