this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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