Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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