3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
