cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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