Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
