I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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